No Regrets

No Regrets

ONLY LESSONS LEARNED

No regrets, only learning and moving forward

Don’t limit yourself regretting the past.

People often regret not taking risks in their lives, not doing what they wanted to do, not pursuing that degree, not moving, not doing the jobs they wanted to do.

We all have regrets, that’s what we have in common and what makes us humans. Regret is a common emotion and one that can lead us to becoming better if we know how to handle it.

Sometimes we try to ignore and dismiss our regrets, they are too painful to listen to them. Often times, we ruminate about our regrets until we despair.

Daniel Pink in his book “The Power of Regret” explains that we regret what we didn’t do more deeply or more often versus what we did do. He explains the four types of core regrets:

1) foundation regrets: small choices we make early in life that accumulate later in life (i.e. not saving early in life). They sound like “If only I’ve done…”

2) boldness regrets: are about our own mortality, whether we played it safe or why we didn’t take a chance. They are related to inaction, for example not speaking when you had the chance and sound like “If only, I’d have taken the chance to…”

3) moral regrets: these are related with not doing the right thing and sound like “If only, I’d have done the right thing…”

4) connection regrets: these are related with our need to love and to be loved (partners, friends, kids, neighbors). Relationships unfold and we wait, we are afraid to feel awkward or think that the other side does not care, then it’s too late. They sound like “If only I’d have reached out…”

As people get older, regrets are more related to inaction - the things we didn’t do. So, how can we release regret, learn and be better at taking action?

Regrets are related to what we value most in life. When we are unsatisfied about life, we are thinking about the things that we are missing.

People want do well in life (foundation), to be challenged (boldness), to do the right thing (moral) and to love and be loved (connection).

You can change the future.

Think about “what did you learn from you past?”

Embrace learning at any age, people are living longer and healthier lives.

Stay open to serendipity in your life, those chance events that show up without warning. Look at every day as an opportunity to learn, to explore, to change your life.

Don’t look at your career as a linear path, but an organic pathway with twists and turns.

Let go of the past and move forward.

According to Pink there are 3 steps we can take: INWARD, OUTWARD, FORWARD.

INWARD means to look at the regret with self-compassion, to look at a mistake or an inaction as a moment in life - not who we are

OUTWARD means having the courage to share our regrets, to accept we are not perfect, to have the courage to disclose.

FORWARD means to take some distance, to treat ourselves with kindness and extract the lesson in a regret.

If you are stuck in your regrets, write them down. Then write down what you learned from them. Forgive yourself for regretting and move on.

Write down your goals. Then, for each goal, write down three action steps you can take now.

Daniel Pink asks:

• How old would you be in 10 years?

• The You in You in 10 years, what would you regret?

• Take a risk, take action

Regret is not a proactive feeling, it sits there without an action to make a difference.

Focus on what to do next. Spend your energy moving forward.

If you need help taking the next step in your career, I can assist you. Don’t give up, you don’t want to regret it!

Contact me and we can work together. Let’s get started!

Follow Telma Sullivan Career Coaching on Facebook and like the page.